Clarity, Love, and Connecting the Dots to Authentic Self Love

 

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” – Steve Jobs

 

This is only one of the deep takeaways, from Steve Jobs’ Stanford graduation speech. If you asked me who I wanted to be when I was younger, it was Oprah! I’ve always wanted to invoke people with positive emotions. It could be making you, laugh, feel empowered, spark a moment of clarity (#AHAmoment). Only, I never felt worthy of Oprah-DOM!

Keeping it real, there will not be another Oprah, but there won’t be another ME or YOU either. Have you ever felt like you weren’t worthy of your dreams? I’m no stranger to that feeling. For the longest, I didn’t think I was deserving of an empowerment platform or message because of where I’m from, things I’ve done and past failures. A couple years ago, I had a chance to attend one of Lisa Nichols speaking workshops. Have you ever been somewhere and really wanted to be called on, but then once you do, you’re like…no wait, I’m not ready for this! Ok, well when I got called on stage to do a quick speech exercise on stage, in room full of 20 or so people I’d only met the day before. This was that moment for me. My heart is racing, I was hoping no one would see me sweat, literally because I had a royal blue sheer polyester shirt on. I get to the stage. The lights are bright. Somehow my mouth opens and I flow. It’s an effortless flow. Straight from the universe through me. It was powerful, people stood up and clapped. Epic moment, not because of the clapping. That was nice, but it was about a feeling, a sense of knowing that I was doing exactly what I was send here to do.

After my brief, Tony Robbins-esque speech. Lisa coached, me she told me that I played small. In my mind, I’m like okay, but I’m 5’1…soooo. She meant I hid my power, my authentic voice, my larger than life personality, that LEO fire. Pretty early in life, I learned that standing out seemed to draw out negativity from others. Shining bright like a diamond, just didn’t feel right. So I turned down, raised my hand less in class, asked for opportunities less, and turned that LEO flame into a small occasionally lit flicker.  She made me promised that I would walk off that stage and never shrink down again.

I would like to say that the game-changed right then, but it took a minute for me to really embrace the idea. Over the past, year or maybe two there’s been a major shift. If you’ve been following me, maybe you’ve noticed it. I just started asking myself, “Who am I not to live in the fullest version of me, to not do GOD’s work, to not align with the universal flow? YOU and I have a divine freaking right to live and be a light to the world.

I’m a born nurture, a healer, that’s my purpose! It’s why I’m here…do I take selfies? Yep, sometimes! Do I love hip-hop, for better or worse? Absolutely. Am I also an advocate for mindfulness and healthy living? No, question. Like, corny jokes? Bring, em’ on! Do I have an absurd affection for Beyonce? Maybe. Do I love with all my heart? Always. Have I decided to live unapologetically me? YAAASSS!!!! And so, should YOU!!

V-day is on the way, and I had love on the brain. I want to send loving vibes to my tribe, you’re my family. Just the idea that by honoring my purpose, I’m somehow serving you is the fuel that keeps me lit. Be encouraged, stay in alignment with your highest self even when the road gets bumpy, the air is foggy and the world seems so cold continue to love yourself to your fullest potential.

The best gift we can give the world is to be true to ourselves, our calling, and our unique gifts. To paraphrase, my girl Marie Forleo, DO YOU because ALL of US need the gifts ONLY YOU CAN GIVE!!

Got a minute? If so, check out this video. There are some game-changing truth bombs and inspirational sound bites from my interview with Chris Howell.

 

Live. Love. and Laugh your A%$ OFF

#whynot

Remember…

Why Self Care Should be Your Top Priority this Year

This year YOU must be your first priority! You’re probably thinking, “No, my kids, my significant other, my kids, my career, and etc.” In order to be successful, in all those areas you have to take care of yourself. 

Think about it! If you take care of yourself, you will find that it reduces stress and negative energy. You’ll be able to build better relationships, and release worries. The doubts that hold you back from greatness will fall away. Self care cultivates balance in our lives. We can fill up the people in our lives, our clients, our families if we are running on empty. 

I love this YouTube video with Jada Pinkett-Smith, where she sits down with her mother and her daughter sharing the importance of honoring yourself. It’s a little over 6 minutes, but highly recommend it!

If you’re looking for more ways to give yourself a little more self-love this year check out my 5 favorite self care rituals.

Here are 5 ways you can begin to do self-care for yourself:

  •             Spa Days
  •             A few days off social media
  •             Vacations/Weekend Getaways
  •             Prayer/Meditation
  •             Spending time with supportive people

 How will you take care of yourself this week? If you’re feeling social, let me know how it goes on Instagram

Remember…

Ode of Love to Black Men

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Myself and the amazing black man I loved for 9 years

Confession! I stay away from the news because I’ve worked in news enough to know, “If it bleeds, it leads.” That’s the motto of an industry that highlights the bad in people, in our communities, and our world. Nonetheless, you have to be living under a rock, not know what’s happened in the last twenty four hours. Two black men have been killed!

My best friends are black men, the man who raised me is a black man, and the men I love are black men. They listen to me, encourage me, care for me, and protect me. Therefore as a black woman, I’m emotionally compelled to share this.

Black man I love you! I understand the depth of the challenges you endure on a daily basis. The bias you face when walking in a room. How the system is built to keep you down and out. That you have to work three times as hard as your peers at work just to keep your spot. If you have greater ambitions, then you really have to assimilate on a whole other level.

Black man, I love your swag. I love the way you love. I love how you protect your family. I love how you have book and street smarts. I love your hustle. I love your will to move mountains for your children, your mother and your wife. I celebrate your strength. Stay encouraged to push forward to your greatness no matter what obstacles an individual, a corporation, the justice system or the global landscape tries to keep you down. They fear your shine, love your talent and covet your endurance.

What’s happening in our world is not about race anymore. It’s about humanity. Let us find ways to look beyond skin. Embrace our differences and look for our commonalities. No one matter race, culture, socioeconomic background, or sexual orientation NO ONE wants their son, father or lover killed unfairly. Each of us has the ability to push prejudice and stereotypes away. To collectively challenge a system that creates an environment that tolerates this kind of behavior.

Let love and light shine brighter, let’s take the world higher!

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I’m supposed to be getting married today, but I’m not! Now what?!

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Today is the day, I was supposed to pledge my lifelong love and commitment to a beautiful soul. For the past few months, I’ve been sharing on social media how strong I’ve been throughout the transition, but last Saturday I was sitting at a beautiful candlelit table at my friend’s wedding reception when a flood of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. I was completely blind sighted. I thought I was over it, but the reality that after nearly a decade, my relationship is over. I felt all of it deeply and allowed myself to be ok with this very natural part of the healing process. Often, when things end, be it relationships, careers, friendships or whatever we tend to bask in the past. If we aren’t mindful we can catch ourselves in the “what-if zone”. After the rivers of tears dried, I reminded myself that the beauty of this journey called life is not in the rearview mirror, it is in looking forward to all the amazing possiblities that lie on the road ahead.

In the spirit of fully embracing my “Aha moment”, I’ve decided to marry to myself (say what?!). Yaaasss, I was inspired, after I watched this amazing Ted X talk by Tracy Mcmillan, “The Person You Really Need to Marry”. It resonated so deeply with me. The first time I watched it, it just stuck with me! I believe and appreciate the power of a harmonious partnership with the right person. I now realize that the deeper my commitment is to myself the better partner I can be to Mr. Right. My new main squeeze, is looking at me in the mirror everyday. She’s been waiting for me to love her unconditionally. On the good and bad hair days. Truth is, no other person can really love us unconditionally. It’s just part of being human, but we do have the power show others how to love us by leading by example. Loving ourselves fully, forgiving ourselves, embracing our imperfections, and celebrating our own victories.

I appreciate my previous relationship, the lessons I learned and the growth that came out of it. I also accept the NOW, and I’m excited that I’ve been able to embrace a new unconditionally wonderful relationship with the person who matters most…me! Choosing to live in love and light embracing every aspect of who I am. Gently acknowledging opportunities for improvement while celebrating my greatest gifts. As a good friend of mine always says, “this journey is not for the faint at heart honey”. It is from the unexpected turns in life that we gain our deepest strength and insight. I am grateful to have loved and learned. My heart is open to loving again in an even bigger way than ever before and today I choose to love myself first and foremost.

Self love is the beginning of ALL love.

Should you marry yourself? Even if you’re already married? How would your life improve if you loved yourself a little more, criticized yourself a little less and forgave yourself a little more?

Comment below and let your girl know your thoughts.

 

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How to Boost Your Willpower

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Boosting your willpower. I’m sharing some easy breezy ways to WILL your way to living your truth.

Whenever we “make up our minds” to change. Our brain sends signals to the body. Hey guys “we are going to start working out at 6am every morning”. Sounds great, right?

It’s never that simple, because the cells in our bodies are used to not working out. They’re more accustomed to sleeping in and pushing the snooze button. So our cells huddle up together, like a football team. Then they send send a message back up the spinal cord to your brain to get you back on your old habits. Then before you know it’s 6am and you’re hitting the snooze button saying “I’ll start tomorrow”.

Sound familiar?! Listen, I get it!

Since we are re-wiring ourselves we have to keep the temptation away to revert to those old behaviors. This means if you’re going for a healthier cleaner diet just don’t buy the bad stuff, if it’s not in your kitchen you’re a lot less likely to eat it. If you’re a shopaholic working to curb your spending then STAY AWAY FROM THE MALL and all online shopping carts! Personally, I unsubscribed from all my daily deal alerts. Much easier to save when you’re not finding the BEST DEAL EVER in your inbox every day.

After keeping our vices out of plain sight we need to hold tight to our vision and find a way to enjoy the process of transformation. This is where we get to tap back into our imagination and begin to visualize taking selfies on the beach in that bangin’ bikini, seeing all those zeros next to our name on the bank slip, or your names on the NY times best-seller list. Keeping your eyes on the prize is a great way to boost your willpower. Work that picture until it’s as clear as a glass of water.

Lastly, boost your body. Taking supplements, like ginseng, omega 3 and B-12. Are really good ways to make sure your body is ready to take you to the next level. I’ve had so many chats with my girlfriends about making the commitment to change. The main reason why they (sometimes, me too) can’t workout, start a new career or project is because they are tired. They don’t have the energy it takes to add something else to the to-do list. Whatever you do don’t leave this step out.

So let’s recap…

Because our body naturally wants things to stay the same we have to …

  • Stay away from temptation
  • Keep your Eyes on the Prize
  • Boost your body

Real talk, having a dip in your willpower is normal. Know that these tips will definitely help you keep the positivity party going…

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